Feminism and the Drive to Succeed

Last night, my boyfriend of nearly four years broke up with me.  This post is not meant to be a pity party.  But the breakup has gotten me thinking about a lot of issues, one of which I would like to share.  He said that I was “driven” and that he needed someone more “laid-back.”  Is this just him, or do most men find “driven” women unappealing?

I work hard and last semester was particularly stressful.  I’m writing a thesis, serving as the president of a student organization, and applying to law schools.  So I don’t dispute his analysis- I’m definitely driven.  Certainly this would be a nice quality to have if I were male, but being a woman, and a petite one at that, it has an unnerving effect on people.

I’m tempted to champion the feminist brigade here, to cry out that no woman should ever change herself for a man.  (This is, in fact, his view.)  But I’ve come to realize that relationships do change people, appearance does count, and that maybe I could stand to relax more.  The challenge is to act on these realizations without losing my feminist, driven identity.  I don’t know how I’ll do it, but it would be unlike me not to try.